I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
