yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My liver just broke up with me...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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