and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just invented taco cereal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
