Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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