My first STD was from a foam party
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
