Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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