Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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