So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
