So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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