bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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