careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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