Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
