my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
