her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
