Wow word travels fast.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah