He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising