Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up

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  (248): Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up http://tfl.nu/y2zz
  Replies (1) Good night (939) Bad night (1321)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

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  (908): everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries http://tfl.nu/l93m
  Replies (24) Good night (770) Bad night (2174)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.

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  (630): something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me. http://tfl.nu/yxh1
  Replies (28) Good night (1051) Bad night (4691)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

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  (551): i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me http://tfl.nu/tacv
  Replies (12) Good night (1383) Bad night (3374)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

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  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (11048) Bad night (1576)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.

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  (205): Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that. http://tfl.nu/r5hc
  Replies (33) Good night (4000) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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  (418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8
  Replies (7) Good night (3506) Bad night (1820)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.

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  (254): It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway. http://tfl.nu/k2oc
  Replies (8) Good night (1292) Bad night (3245)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.

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  (515): In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much. http://tfl.nu/n8ik
  Replies (7) Good night (1940) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.

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  (419): is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately. http://tfl.nu/bi26
  Replies (3) Good night (2668) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.

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  (714): Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to. http://tfl.nu/rk2y
  Replies (5) Good night (720) Bad night (1406)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.

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  (202): I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in. http://tfl.nu/a062
  Replies (21) Good night (1544) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos

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  (620): There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos http://tfl.nu/lt0j
  Replies (1) Good night (417) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways

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  (717): Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways http://tfl.nu/1sez
  Replies (1) Good night (670) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?

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  (443): Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test? http://tfl.nu/y1t4
  Replies (2) Good night (269) Bad night (525)

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