____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.