1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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