the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.