Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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