If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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