Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
