***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
now i know why i became what i already was.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
