I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
