halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
