never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
