Welp...herpes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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