Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
