Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
