She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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