it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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