Yo dont text me then not text me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
