If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
