are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
not ubering you a puppy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
