my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
