note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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