turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
