Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
