Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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