I need to stop coming to work sober
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
