Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
