ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
