everyone is single if you try hard enough
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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