Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
