You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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