oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
