no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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