so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
