I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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