My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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