So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
whose ass print is on the piano?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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