I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
