Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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