How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
did you just send me my own nude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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