dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
