The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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