her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm really busy with my period
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