I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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