I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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