In the future we'll all be gay
He kissed a someone with a penis
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
