How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
