We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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