She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
