I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
