He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My balls are so social today.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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