I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
