Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
