i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
