I cockslap morals
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
