Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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