I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
porn star boner night. come get it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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