It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
