Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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