Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
