mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
